by Emina Ribo, Carola Ponjevic and Monika Toma
Original text:
When driving through the scattered regions in the Republic of Bosnia, a
country on the Balkan peninsula of South Eastern Europe, you might observe that
the Yugoslavian war had clearly left its marks. 12 years after
the Dayton Agreement, which ended the tragic Yugoslavian war, Bosnia has been
starting to reconstruct and repair the remaining war damages. Since Bosnia is
located in the heart of Europe, the question arises: Why is the country not yet
a member state of the EU? The prospect of EU membership exists, however, the
country needs to improve its standards of living and politics as well as other
areas. The accession of Bosnia to the EU would definitely grant the country a
great deal of benefits and vice versa. The EU could derive a benefit from
Bosnia in terms of agriculture and cultural diversity. If the Republic of
Bosnia became a member state of the Union, both sides could extract advantages
from each other.
As for Bosnia, an accession to the EU could help prevent corruption,
since it is, in fact, a big issue there. The level of
unemployment is rising and the citizen’s living conditions are getting worse
while the officials and politics are getting richer. The Justice is mostly
corrupt and even the schools and hospitals are trying to benefit from the
corrupt system. The unfairness the Bosnians are confronted with every day has
led to a tension between the citizens and the government. Not only the
government causes discontent though but also the strained relationship between
the three ethnics living in Bosnia, namely the Bosnians themselves, the
Croatians and the Serbs. The relationship between them is strained due to the
fact that they obviously still suffer the consequences of the war 20 years ago.
Time has shown that the Bosnian government cannot solve these kind of issues on
its own. An EU accession would therefore help to improve the social, political
and economical situation in Bosnia. The EU could interfere in politics and
economics and try to mediate between the ethnical groups in order to bring peace
within the country.
Our classmates'
feedback:
When driving through
the scattered regions in the Republic of Bosnia, you might observe that the
Yugoslavian war had clearly left its marks.
I can't tell the the
text is going to be about the advantages that Bosnia would have with the
accession to the EU. If this is your focus, consider mentioning it in the topic
sentence
12
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sentence with a number, you have to write it out..
Submitted version:
When driving through
the scattered regions of the Republic of Bosnia, a country located on the
Balkan peninsula of South Eastern Europe, you might observe that the
Yugoslavian war had clearly left its marks. Twelve years after the Dayton
Agreement, which ended the tragic war of former Yugoslavia, Bosnia started to
reconstruct and repair the remaining war damages to become stable again. Since
Bosnia is, in fact, located in the heart of Europe, this raises an inescapable
question: Why is the country not yet a member state of the EU? Although the
prospect of EU membership exists, as negotiations started in 2005, the country
will have to first improve its standards of living and politics as well as
other areas. Once the Republic is somewhat stable enough to become a member
state of the Union, there is no doubt that not only could Bosnia benefit from
the accession, but that the EU would also derive great benefits from the
Republic, for instance, in terms of agriculture and cultural diversity.
Since corruption is a major issue in Bosnia, an accession to the EU
would undoubtedly prevent its negative impact on the citizens and consequently
help to foster Bosnia’s stability and economic reform. The
level of unemployment continues to rise and the citizen’s living conditions are
becoming worse each day, while officials and politicians are living in
prosperity. The justice system is mostly corrupt as well and even schools and
hospitals attempt to benefit from the corrupt system. As a result of this
unfairness that Bosnians are currently being confronted with, a certain tension
has developed not only between the citizens and the government, but also
between the three ethnics living in Bosnia, namely the Bosnians themselves, the
Croatians and the Serbs. The relationship between them is strained due to the
fact that they apparently still suffer from the consequences of the war which
came about as a result of the breakup of Yugoslavia 20 years ago. Time has
clearly shown that the Bosnian government is not capable of solving these
numerous issues on its own; and this is where the EU’s support could come into
play. The Union could assist in improving the social as well as the political
and economic situation in Bosnia by implementing effective EU regulations and
policies in order to establish a well-functioning legal and governmental
system. As far as the relationship between the inhabitants is concerned, the EU
could also try to mediate between the ethnical groups by providing specific
programs to promote a unity in order to restore peace within the country. It
goes without saying that Bosnian citizens will be able to benefit from a wide
range of EU programs and will be free to reside, work and study freely within
the EU. Essentially, the membership is the only way to build up a social
cohesion within the country and eventually make Bosnia an essential member in
international businesses.
There are almost as many benefits for the EU to reap from this diverse
country, as the numerous advantages Bosnia could receive from joining the EU. Since
the EU respects and encourages cultural differences and views this as an
essential sector of social and human development, it can certainly make
enormous use of the Bosnian treasure house. The Union could take advantage of
the country’s cultural diversity which is marked by regional differences where
different ethnic groups live, each with traditions of their own.
Moreover, the vibrant country with its friendly inhabitants and lively
atmosphere is characterized by a sublime, mountainous landscape and old
historical buildings and monuments, all of which could contribute to promoting
sustainable tourism. In other words, Bosnia could be one of the EU’s principal
magnets of tourism. Apart from that, agriculture is a valuable source to invest
in as well. Bosnia is famous for having extremely fertile soil, corn fields and
plum trees which are usually used in the preparation of quality wine. These
resources could be of great advantage to the EU as it would contribute to the
Union’s profit.
Although Bosnia’s prospect of membership seems to lie in the distant
future as the country is still in need of further development, the EU could
definitely profit from Bosnia’s agriculture, cultural diversity, and much more.
Just
as the EU could gain a great deal from Bosnia’s accession, there is no doubt
that Bosnia would improve in nearly every aspect and shine in new splendor.
[734 words]
Corrected version:
When driving through
the scattered regions of the Republic of Bosnia, a country located on the
Balkan peninsula of South Eastern Europe, you can observe that the Yugoslavian
war clearly left its marks. Twelve years after the Dayton Agreement, which
ended the tragic war of former Yugoslavia, Bosnia started to reconstruct
damaged buildings and monuments in order to stabilize the country’s economic
situation. Since Bosnia has, in fact, improved in many aspects, this raises an
inescapable question: Why is the country not yet a member state of the EU?
Although the prospect of EU membership exists, as negotiations started in 2005,
the country will have to first improve its standards of living and politics as
well as other areas. Once the republic meets most of EU’s requirements to
become a Member State of the Union, there is no doubt that not only could
Bosnia benefit from the accession, but that the EU would also derive great
benefits from the country, for instance, in terms of agriculture and cultural
diversity.
Since corruption is a major issue in Bosnia, accession to the EU would
not only foster Bosnia’s stability and economic reform, but also make it easier
for Bosnia’s citizens to lead a fair life. In addition, the level
of unemployment continues to rise and the citizens’ living conditions are
becoming worse each day, while officials and politicians are living in
prosperity. The justice system is mostly corrupt as well and even schools and
hospitals attempt to benefit from the corrupt system. As a result of the
unfairness that Bosnia’s citizens are currently facing, a certain tension has
developed not only between the citizens and the government, but also between
the three ethnic groups themselves living in Bosnia, namely the Bosnians, the
Croatians and the Serbs. The relationship between them is strained due to the
fact that they are obviously still suffering from the consequences of the war which
was caused as a result of the breakup of Yugoslavia 20 years ago. Time has
clearly shown that the Bosnian government is not capable of solving these
numerous issues on its own; and this is where the EU’s support could come into
play. The Union could assist in improving the social as well as the political
and economic situation in Bosnia by implementing effective EU regulations and
policies in order to establish a well-functioning legal and governmental
system. As far as the relationship between the inhabitants is concerned, the EU
could also try to mediate between the ethnic groups by providing specific
programs to promote a unity in order to restore peace within the country. It
goes without saying that Bosnian citizens would be able to benefit from a wide
range of EU programs and would be free to reside, work and study freely within
the EU. Basically, EU membership is the only way to build social cohesion
within the country and eventually make Bosnia an essential contributor in
international affairs.
Although the prospect of Bosnia’s membership seems to lie in the distant
future as the country is still in need of further development, the EU could
definitely profit from Bosnia’s agriculture, cultural diversity, and much more.
Just
as the EU could gain a great deal from Bosnia’s accession, there is no doubt
that Bosnia would improve in nearly every area and begin to flourish.
[721 words]
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